Monday, June 5, 2006
Top ten things I did this weekend
2) Was featured in Boston Globe article about the movie " The Break-up" sharing my own splits tale. I have very few break-up stories since my relationships have consisted only of the one I am currently in with my fiance', random dudes I've hooked up with, and the guy I was quoted about whom over the course of 3 weeks I had coffee with once,gave him a hand-job twice, and apparently dated never.
3) Attended the baby shower of my BFF and realized I am closer to baby birthing age than I am to appropiate binge drinking age.
4) Joined a new gym where I punished myself by reading US Weekly while flipping back and forth between Entertainment Tonight and E! News Weekend on the personal tv attached to the crosstrainer machine. I learned that Lindsay Lohan is supersticious, Mary Hart is getting old, and Janet Jackson lost 30 lbs in 4 months. Did I say 4 months!? Yup, 4 months. Janet claims her rapid weight gain was for a movie role. Whatever amkes you happy, but Jermaine Dupree videotaping you chomping on wings doesn't count as a feature film Miss Jackon. Maybe Janet has yo-yoed since her days playing America's most beloved abused child, Penny because Janet is naturally suppose to be thick. This issue of US Weekly was dedicated to celeb diets, naturally skinny celebs whose health programs included 2 days of dogwalking and eating "whatever I want."
5) Just when I thought Nick Lachey's " What's left of me" was the worst song I had ever heard, on my ride home from my pop nausea workout I hear the techno version of Nick Lachey's " What's left of me" on the radio.
6)Woke up every two hours out of fear that the centipede I was too scared to kill before bed was going to try and play footsies with me in the middle of the night,
7) Attended my cousins bridal shower where in an effort to entertain ourselves during the long and akward gift opening ceremony, my sister and I drew faces on our fingers and did finger puppet impersonations of shower guests. Did you just call us classy mature bitches?
8) I like my hair today so after the birdal shower I spent 75 minutes taking digital photos of myself in my backyard until I noticed my neighbor watching me and silently shaking her head in disgust. This was after I spent the car ride home from the shower almost in tears because I felt like my mom was giving her granddaughter/my niece/the cutest baby inthe world more attention than me. If anyone is suprised by my immature bratty behavior than you obviously did not read #7.
9) Watched another touching but disapointing episode of the "Sopranos" while eating a mix of tortilla chips, veggie chips, and pita chips. I am still uncertain if Michael Imperioli is attractive or not.
10) Blogged while allowing shitty Sunday night reality TV to keep me company. Looked up and noticed my almost boyfriend Bret Micheals on E!'s "Stranded with a Star" sharing that he likes ankles on a woman. I stare down at my own ankles searching for flaws to excuse Bret's lack of interest in me when I met him in 2001.My ankle daze is interupted by painful comedic commentary weaved into this E! masterpiece. I can feel the bitter digust brewing in my chest. Other than "The Soup" and "The Chelsea Handler Show" everything else on E! makes me want pour mouthwash in my eyes. I decide it's time to sleep, turn off the TV and finish up my blog.